20422jeonghyunkyung: 2014

2014년 12월 7일 일요일

Final draft

Be aware of globalization and Internet

You can call your friend abroad no matter what time it is, and you can use any products that were manufactured abroad. Also, you can see dramas or movies from other countries, and you can meet foreigners from various countries if you go outside. These are all phenomenons that globalization has created. Globalization has connected and made people communicate each other more easily and flexibly. After the internet has been created, internet has contributed globalization in the Earth a lot because people can be connected on the website more easily than real life. However, we should think about the globalization and internet's contribution to globalization is positive or helpful to the people all around the world. Even though globalization and internet have made a better world, internet's contribution to globalization is negative.

The definitions of ‘globalization’ are various. However, they have a common idea that globalization is the process of interaction and integration in economic, cultural, and financial worldwide within various nations.

Many people think globalization is a recent one, but we can find globalization from thousand years ago. We can say the examples of trades many years ago between the eastern countries and western countries. According to globlaization.101.net, The merchants from both side sold their products to other merchants from different region, and the path named Silk Road connected areas in a distant such as Central Asia, China, and Europe, is the proof of their trades. In fact, the current wave of globalization which everybody knew began after the Second World War. After the war, many governments have adopted free market and open economic systems and policies. The international trades and investments increased between various countries. Many governments removed barriers in commerce and have established international agreements to promote trade in goods, services, and investments. Corporations took advantage of new opportunities in foreign markets, and they started built their factories in foreign areas. Also, a huge amount of people immigrated and migrated.

Nowadays, Internet, affects a lot to people's lives in various areas. Due to Eleanor Mcckenzie from eHow, For example, the Internet enables companies to promote productivity through by much faster access of information and electronic transactions. Also, new jobs are created such as IT professionals and engineers. Internet has altered the structure of the mass media: local and national news changed into world wide news. From these points, Internet is indeed the major advancement in the modern era which make people easily connect, contact, and control other people and world.

All the aspects of Internet can prove that Internet has a significance on globalization. According to yourmaindomain.com, due to the technological development, globalization has been facilitated. Mostly, internet promotes faster and easier communication. Internet provides cheaper and faster method of communication such as fast phone calls in a distance through web, and web cameras, microphones, messengers are all technologies that make people communicate with other people far from them through the Internet. These new types of communication which internet provide has a significant impact of globalization because it connects people all over the world.

Because of the globalization's effects, people think globalization positively. Due to the studymode.com, at first, people consider globalization as the greater opportunity for people around the world for economical increased standard of living. Furthermore, There is a greater access to foreign culture in the form of movies, music, food, clothing, and more. Second, they think globalization brought economical effect. Also, knowledge and technologies exchanged and was shared among countries. Globalization provides the people of the developing countries different kinds of jobs to live their lives and the developed ones a great many benefits.

Nevertheless, globalization is not always positive. Although positive effects still exist, we should be aware of its negative impacts for the future for ourselves and people all over the world. Plus, we need to be more aware of Internet's contribution to globalization.

First, in economical aspects, globalization which make the world connected by Internet has brought much bigger gap between the poor and the rich. According to BBC, According to studymode.com, globalization operates mostly in the interests of the richest countries, which continue to dominate world trade at the expense of developing countries. This tendency leads governments of developed countries to allow their corporations to build their factories outside of their own countries. However, this phenomenon take away the industrial foundation of their own and opportunities of economical growth. The corporations want to use low wages in foreign countries which increase their profit margins. International corporations build their factories all over the world and exploit labor and take away their development opportunities. By Kevin Watkins from New York Times, This tendency leads to much bigger the gap between the rich and the poor. India can be an example of this phenomenon. At first, people think India has a benefit from globalization, which gained lots of profits from new industries that related to international corporations. However, most average people's lives in India say differently. They say that poverty became more serious than before. One in three Indians live on less than $1 a day and India is still home to the world's largest conglomeration of malnourished people. Also, The latest UN Human Development Report worries the gap between the rich and the poor by economical growth and social progress. A narrow-based and weak foundation of economical become serious problem. Another problem is that inequalities that globalization has failed to remove. Even though a few people may evaluate globalization positively, its effects don't always be good or positive. According to Forbes, that's why politicians have latched onto the idea of the disappearing middle class as a political issue, but none of their income redistribution schemes are likely to have any immediate substantial impact. It makes some Anti-globalization campaigners try to draw people's attention to these points by demonstrating against the World Trade Organization. They think the WTO is the cause of free flow of trade around the world.

Another serious problem which is caused by globalization is cultural aspects. Globalization is viewed by many as a threat to the world's cultural diversity. Some people concern about that globalization decrease or remove local economy, tradition and languages by capitalism and the power of developed countries. For instance, a Hollywood film is far more likely to be successful worldwide than one made in India or China, which also have thriving film industries.

All these impacts of globalization are related to the development of information technology. In the core of IT, there is the development of the Internet. According to Eleanor Mckentzie from eHow, most people can use Internet without any disturbance, however, not all people are able to join the global community made by the Internet. Countries in the developing world are not able to take advantage of the Internet in the same way as developed nations can. There is no universally equal access to Internet all over the world. Some people from countries like North Korea has few opportunities to access Internet because its government censor it. Also, some poor countries have no opportunities to use any IT products. Therefore, disadvantages people and businesses in developing nations who are unable to take advantage of the Internet's global potential. Through the development of Internet and its contribution to globalization, we can know how it affects globalization and our lives negatively and why we should be aware of it. We need to consider the negative aspects of globalization, not just think positively and accept it unquestioningly.

Some people may disagree with the opinion that Internet has contributed negatively to globalization. For example, some people appreciate globalization because they think globalization has connected the whole world so people are more available to communicate much easier than before due to the Internet. Also, like Pascal Salin insist, globalization brought development of internet and telecommunication techniques. The requirement of more convenient and fast technology of Internet has made more improved technology of Internet. It is true that Internet make the world connected. However, not all people can enjoy the convenience of the connection. People who can not access on the Internet can't experience such convenience, also they , someone who are not economically or politically available, can't get enough information as much as others. As James Buchanan says that people communicate to gain and not to lose, but globalization can be malevolent to some people. The informational gap between the rich and the poor become much bigger than before and it leads to the economical gap between them. Therefore, the connections between people are only relevant who have power or money. Ron manners claims that most people are in favor of globalization because they think it is beneficial to them so people should listen to the opinions from public and majorities. However, if his thought were true, there wouldn't be any anti-globalization. Recently, according to Catherine Eschle, anti-globalization has emerged for the negative effects of globalization. As I mentioned before, people who are against to globalization had protests for the anti-WTO. They thought that WTO has promoted free market which has encouraged the richer-get-richer phenomenon. We should think about the people who are damaged by internet development and expanded trades. Also, people who think globalization positively suggest that globalization make people understand different cultures and notions. However, some dominant culture prohibited cultural variety in the world and rather interrupt understanding each other. Therefore, although the benefits of globalization has existed, internet has contributed negatively , so we should be aware of danger from it.

In the future, we will live in a more developed world. People will use advanced technology and will contact people much more conveniently. We can appreciate those improvements because this achievements are from our ancestors and ours efforts. On the other hand. we should think about the danger of the globalization and the contribution of internet to globalization. We should remember how globalization which related to Internet has brought much bigger poverty and frustration to those who can't live in an affluent life. Internet which has brought all the convenient and new world is not always positive to people. Because of the Internet, our own culture, notion and our happiness can be removed from our lives and some other things can dominate. We should not neglect the power of Internet and globalization. We always think the both negative and positive side and live in wise life.

< References >

Globlization (n.d). In Oxford Dictionaries online. Retrieved from :

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/globalization

Globlization (n.d). In Business dictionary online. Retrieved from :
http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/globalization.html

Globalization101 What is globaliztion? Retrieved from :
http://www.globalization101.org/what-is-globalization/

Eleanor Mckenzie (2013.08) The impact of the Internet on Globalization Retrieved from :

http://www.ehow.com/info_12040126_impact-internet-globalization.html
Articles Libarary (2008) Role of Internet in the modern era Retrieved from :
http://www.yourmaindomain.com/web-articles/role-of-internet-in-modern-era.asp
Edin Edstein (2011.11) The positives and Negatives of Globalization Retrieved from :

https://sites.google.com/site/nativgatingtheglobalcomau/the-positives-and-negatives-of-globalization
Emvichet (2011.08) Positive and Negative effects of Globalization Retrieved from :

http://www.studymode.com/essays/Positive-And-Negative-Effect-Of-Globalization-749508.html
Simon Jeffery (2002.10) What is Globalization? The guardian Retrieved from :

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/oct/31/globalisation.simonjeffery
Judith Miller (1999. 07) Globalization Widens Richer-poor gap, UN reports says The New York Times Retrieved from :

http://www.nytimes.com/1999/07/13/world/globalization-widens-rich-poor-gap-un-report-says.html?module=Search&mabReward=relbias%3Ar%2C%7B%222%22%3A%22RI%3A15%22%7D
Pascal Salin ARGUING IN FAVOR OF GLOBALIZATION Retrieved from :

http://econfaculty.gmu.edu/pboettke/workshop/spring05/Salin.pdf

James Buchanan (2002) Anti-Globalization, Democracy, and the Logic of Trade Retrieved from : http://www.tampereclub.org/e-publications/6Buchanan.pdf
Ron Manners (2001. 08) IN FAVOR OF GLOBALISATION Retrieved from :

http://www.mannkal.org/downloads/submissions/sub20010830.pdf

Catherine Eschle (2004) CONSTRUCTING ‘THE ANTI-GLOBALISATION MOVEMENT’

Retrieved from : http://www.gmu.edu/programs/icar/ijps/vol9_1/Eschle_91IJPS.pdf

2014년 11월 30일 일요일

peer review 2 - 20424 최예은

Sport psychology is much more important than physical training

For ordinary people, sport is fairly good means to be excited and healthy. However, for athletes, they also can be excited and healthy by playing sports, but their another aim is to win the game. Winning brings satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment for ordinary people, but professional athletes earn money, honor, and so on. Therefore sport has more crucial significance to athletes.

For winning the game, athletes need performance skills and fitness like physical abilities. It is a matter of course for them to have. That is why athletes exercise and build up their bodies. However, there is another requirement to win the match. It is psychology.

Recently, athletes and coaches are interested in sport psychology, for example, there is a special psychological expert team in sports powerhouse such as Europe or North America. The special team deals with psychological problems professionally. They check out athletes' mental states and teach them how to control the mentality, consulting them(Chung chung hee, 2006). Anyway the frequency of utilization and awareness of sport psychology are getting higher. I will explain more below.

I will deal with sport psychology. It is a study which finds out the reason why athlete can not show real ability in real game and why this situation occurs sometimes. Also this study researches how to minimize the adverse or bad effects of psychology and sports psychologists produce programs according to the research result and adapt to the field(Kim byeung jun, 2002). The most important thing psychologists research is to develop the psychological skills and its programs(Chung chung hee, 2006). In sports psychology, there has been many researches which suggest the relationship between mental state and athletic performance. In competitive sports, athletes' mental state has much to do with athletic performance and these mental state is not limited by psychology, but a kind of technique like exercise and it is called psychological skill. Ultimately, I argue that psychological skill is also as essential in playing sports as physical ability.

My thesis is ‘Sport psychology is much more important than physical training.’ To be clearer, I revise the thesis: psychology has a great +impact on sports as much as physical ability. This is because fitness and strength are indispensable factors in playing sports, so is psychology.

To achieve a goal and get honor in sport, it is necessary to have physical fitness. However, it is not all the thing needed because there have already been many professional athletes who are physically fit. Then, if you don't have psychological fitness, meaning stable mind, it is hard to accomplish what you want among competitive athletes. This is because psychology contributes to determine the result of match, for example, confidence, stability, affirmation and so on.

In sports psychology, there have been many researches which suggest the relationship between mental state and athletic performance. In competitive sports, athletes' mental state has much to do with athletic performance and these mental state is not limited by psychology, but a kind of technique like exercise technique and it is called psychological skill.

Psychological skill is a strategy or technique which helps to maximize athletic performance and overcome the stress which comes from competitive circumstances by consideration and mental control. Thus, psychological skill training means the training process which helps athletes to show the best performance and acquire the self-regulation skill(Chung chung hee, Kim byeong joon, 1999).

Ultimately, psychological skill training is effective to increase performance ability and pleasure, and is educational program to learn psychological skill. These training is necessary to athlete who not only has mental 'problem', but is mentally stable. and plays a role as an aider which helps players to show their best performance in badly competitive matches(Chung chung hee, 2003).

To start with, I would let you know some kinds of sports psychology to help you to understand the subject matter. According to Chung chung hee, a professor in department of Physical Education, Seoul National University, there are goal setting, concentration training, imagery training and self-confidence training in sport psychology.

First of all, goal setting. Goal setting means making deciding a goal with specific period. For instance, golfer has a goal to hit seven under or make a birdie for every hole. These goal motivates athletes and leads them to try hard to achieve it(Chung chung hee, 2006). If athletes try hard to achieve their goals, they can benefit like these. They can concentrate on their own work, and make persistent efforts. Also, goal setting helps them to cultivate patience while experiencing failure and slump, and to learn new strategy to attain the goal. Moreover, it makes players to have self-confidence and increases their concentration, and also contributes to improve performance ability.

Second, concentration training. It is a skill to maintain one's own concentration on the object for certain period. Strong concentration requires lots of psychological energy, so it is necessary to have strong mind when improving concentration skill. Concentration training prevents athletes from distracted environment, gives them confidence and maximizes the consistency of their performance.

Third, imagery training. An imagery means a technique which creates new experience without direct exercise or with past experience. That is to say, it means drawing a state of exercise performance. The imagery includes real things that we feel and see directly and experience that we sense. The characteristic of imagery is internalization(re-categorizing events and making it mine), and experiencing performance sense and manipulating reality into imaginary thing(Martens, 1987). The effects of imagery training is that we can go through the motional sense without moving and improve performance ability with spending spare time. Also, it helps foster positiveness and confidence, and is practical to be used as an method to maintain one's achievement power and make good a deficiency(Kirschenbaum, et al. 1982).

Lastly, self-confidence training. In this case, self-confidence is defined as a belief that 'I' can do and achieve the goal. For instance, a golfer who believes that he or she can do 4m putting has a confidence. A level of confidence and performance is similar to a relation between arousal level and performance. Also, low confidence restricts a motivation to goal and can not awaken athletes(Park dong jin,1994). Therefore it is required to train athletes to instill confidence with these advices. First, performing with confidence even in practice. Second, thinking positively. Third, controlling physical condition. Fourth, learning how to improve confidence. Fifth, Doing positive actions. Last, using appropriate mind(Chung chung hee, 2006).

There are many examples that famous athletes assert that psychological skill is important in sports and its effects are amazing. You can see the significance of sport psychology with the examples, Yuna Kim, Seung Hoon Lee and so on.

Yuna Kim who retired from the figure skating after Sochi Olympic 2014 is called a woman who has the strongest mental among sport experts, because she concentrated on her play and had composure in suspenseful game. She could have the strongest mental and self-confidence with psychological therapy and counseling. Accordingly, sport psychology is being reviewed. It is a good example that NEST Foundation(NExt generation Sports Talent) founded 'training course of sports mental coach'. Doctor Kim byeong hyun, who has studied sport psychology for thirty years and belongs to KISS(Korea Institute of Sport Science), advised that it is effective for sport teams to have professional psychological coaches.

There is another example. Seung hoon Lee who is a speed skater said 'I was recommended to have psychological therapy, but it was not that popular in Korea. If athletes can have an aid from sport psychology, it may have good influence on their performance ability', during an interview with Cheol won Lee who belongs to NEST Foundation. It means even current athletes realizes that the impact of sport psychology is excellent.

Let me give you more examples, swimmer, Tae hawn Park. To take part in World Championships for Swimming in Rome 2009, he accompanied a psychologist who has helped them in Beijing Olympic 2008 to be mentally stable.

There is an example in field of soccer, too. Senol Gunes who is a football manager scouted a sport psychologist when he belonged to FC Seoul. This is because he was nervous how well korean athletes understand him and athletes were too young, so that he was mentally anxious. Later, Gunes showed the success of sport psychology, leading semifinal winning in K league, 2009.

According to these examples, I can strongly argue that sport psychology is necessary. I already mentioned the five sources of sport psychology; goal setting,concentration training,imagery training and self-confidence training. To confirm the effectiveness of those, I will state those one more.

First, goal setting is to set a goal with motivation. It motivates athletes to perform well and have confidence. Second, concentration training. To pay attention to game, strong mind is necessary rather than physical ability. This training prevents them from obstacles and give them consistency of performance ability. Third, imagery training draws ideal performance and makes athletes try hard to achieve it so that it fosters positiveness and confidence. Last, self-confidence training is similar to goal setting because it stimulates athletes to have confidence to accomplish a goal.

Athletes want to perform well their skills in a game because any athletes who is at peak performance can have high possibility to win. Unfortunately, most players can not display their ability due to anxiety, decreased concentration, lose of confidence and unstable mind(Kim byeong hyun). That is to say, even though their physical ability and skills are at peak, they get the result according to their psychological skills. And it also means that psychological skill is more important than physical skill.

Someone can refute that athletes develop body above all, and it is ambiguous to decide an order of priority between psychology and physical one. Also, they can argue that psychology is one thing and physical ability is another. However, these refutation are not always correct.

First of all, it is a matter of course for athlete to develop body. Nowadays, all the athletes work hard and build up their body. No one gives up to do so because that is fundamental to be an athletes. What I want to argue is that psychology gives benefits and determine the result of match. It is proved by an essay written by Chung chung hee.

Second, people can say an ambiguity of an order of priority between psychology and physical ability. It seems plausible. But I want to argue that it varies from person to person. For instance, physically fitted person regards psychology as important and psychologically fitted person regards physical one as important. That is, I concede that it differs from person to person.

Third, the opinion that psychology and physical ability are another matters is absurd. According to Chung chung hee, psychological treatment helps athletes to develop confidence and display their performance well in real game.

Therefore those kinds of refutation are illogical and I strongly argue that sport psychology is much more important than physical training.

Most sport experts and psychologist emphasize the significance of sport psychology is getting stronger and more athletes have psychological therapy now. They also say that psychology is important to have greater result in a game. Even a speed skater Seung hoon Lee was recommended to have a treatment.

Sport psychology has various fields but I suggest some field in narration. There are goal setting, concentration training, imagery training and self-confidence training. Goal setting stimulates athletes and cultivates patience. Concentration training improves concentration on game, requiring psychological energy. Imagery training develops positive property and achievement power and self-confidence training develops confidence as the name hints.

Recently, there are too many athletes who are physically fit so it is too competitive in real match. Moreover physical ability isn't everything. Then stable psychological state is necessary to attain honor and goals. It is achieved by psychological therapy. Therefore it is crucial to argue that psychology is much more important than physical ability which belongs to every athlete.

Grade

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

This essay deserves a five. This essay follows the classical argument and it displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic that I didn't know at all.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?

If the author mentioned the thesis statement at the front, it will be much better.

Thesis

What is the thesis?

Sport psychology is much more important than physical training.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?

Yes,

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

Sport psychology is much important than physical training.

Any other thoughts?

This is interesting because the author mentioned familiar sources in the essay.

Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

I can identify the 5 parts of the classical argument.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?

The introduction catch my attention. The essay begins with the story of ordinary people like us.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

Yes, the narration gives enough information that I can understand the whole essay and also, the narration mentions various resources that are very helpful to understand the thesis.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

Yes, the confirmation adequately support the thesis that back up the thesis.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?

The refutation and the concession address a realistic counterpoint. Also, this part dispute the counterpart and respond in a reasonable manner. So I can understand more about the author's thesis. h a premise about computational power, not practical outcomes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?

The conclusion summarize the article and it gives the larger significance that I can be persuaded by the author.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

If the author arrange the front part of the essay, it will be easy to read the whole essay.

Persuasion

When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I disagreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I agree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

I change my idea because of the persuasive confirmation part.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

If the author use more convincing citation at refutation part, the essay will be more persuasive. However, the essay is okay and good enough.

Research

Is the author using research effectively?

Yes.

Is the research from appropriate sources?

Yes. All sources are mentioned.

Are the sources obvious?

Yes, the sources are obvious.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

Yes, the pieces of evidences are relevant to the thesis and essay so many people will be persuaded and understood by the essay.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

No.

2014년 11월 24일 월요일

peer review 1 - for 20423 최민재

The 'transformer' movie is a 2007 American science fiction action film based on the transformer toy line. Interestingly, in the film, there are many strange cars which can transform into robots. And the robots have the power to protect themselves meaning that they are semi-autonomy. They can think and do something like real humans. As robot technology has been developing, we, human, can not foresee the limits of the robots. Therefore, we can not sure whether the robots would develop like the 'transformer' robot. If robots had the AI(artificial intelligence), the shape of the world would be changed in many respects, people would say it is an AI revolution, following industrial revolution and information revolution. In terms of military, it would also lead to a revolution. However, whether military robot is effective is must - have discussion. And I don't agree with the idea of military robot.

Military robots date back to world war 2 and the Cold War in the form of the German Goliath tracked mines and the Soviet tank. The U.S.Military is now investing heavily in research and development towards testing and deploying increasingly automated systems. The most prominent system currently in use is the unmanned aerial vehicle (IAI Pioneer& RQ-1 Predator) which can be armed with Air-to-ground missiles and remotely operated from a command center in reconnaissance roles. DARPA has hosted competitions in 2004 & 2005 to involve private companies and universities to develop unmanned ground vehicles to navigate through rough terrain in the Mojave Desert for a final prize of 2 Million. Not only U.S military but also other nations are now starting to research this field.

In the book called 'the Harvard sampler' said that there is something robot cannot follow human. And I research about them too. According to science news, It talks about what the robot can not follow human. Firstly, the mimicking evolution in the physical manifestation is hard. What tends to happen is natural systems have lots of little joints, lots of little muscles that pull and tug and make a motion. And if you start introducing that many joints and that many motors in a synthetic thing, your cost goes up exponentially as the complexity keeps growing. At the same time, the reliability goes down. If any single joint fails, your whole thing is going to fail. So that makes it very hard to mimic nature.

On the brain side of things, it is also hard. A lot of us teach ourselves how to reason, how to think, how to analyze new information and make sense of it. However, those have been very difficult for robots to be able to do. So people will try to program different contexts and different scenarios for what a robot should do, but that way of doing it is simply not scalable. You don’t have enough time and manpower to code up all the possible scenarios that a robot would encounter and what it should be doing. People have made very tiny steps toward reasoning and learning, but in general robots do not yet know how to learn.

And this asked me a question that nowadays, many nations have made lots of the robot soldier for effectiveness. In this book, however, there is something robot can not follow human. And in terms of military, there are also many things military robots can not do. Not only this reason but also other reasons do disagree with the military robots

Before arguments, I would define the robot and military robot. These are from powerful dictionary company. And I would list them. According to Doosan dictionary, it says that a robot is The machine that automatically process or work the given tasks by itself retained ability. Also, according to the Oxford dictionary, it says that robot is a machine capable of carrying out a complex series of actions automatically, especially one programmable by a computer. And, according to the Wikipedia, A robot is an automatic mechanical device often resembling a human or animal. According to the dictionary, it says the characteristics of the robot. Firstly, robot should work or help out human. Secondly, work automatically Lastly, react itself to the surroundings.

And there is few definitions of military robot. According to Wikipedia, military robots are autonomous robots or remote-controlled devices designed for military applications. Such systems are currently being researched by a number of military.

Until now, we have learned the definition and the issue on military robot is important because many nations now start to research this field. This would conclude our future war.However, there are also some doubts of using this. And I disagree to military robot too. There are three reasons; lack of judgment, possibility to be insensitive to war for people and doubts about flexibility of it.

Firstly, it lacks judgment compared to human soldiers. Even though robots developed, there is a question: Can computers and robots be truly trusted even though they are not humans? Actually, while discovering the latest technology, according to CBC News Broadcast Documentary team,they came up with a serious question that needed to be answered. This question was as follows; what are the new rules of engagement for robots that kill humans in wartime? This is a major disadvantage of question associated with military robots. If the future holds independent, acting robots acting on their own how would they be able to decide right from wrong? Would we hold a robot accountable for a death that shouldn’t have occurred or could we even conclude that? These are a few scenarios that one must consider as disadvantages for future military robotic use.

Secondly, we could be insensitive to the war. According to P. W. Singer, he once interviewed a drone pilot. And he said that "You’re going to war for 12 hours, shooting weapons at targets, directing kills on enemy combatants. Then you get in the car and drive home, and within 20 minutes you’re sitting at the dinner table talking to your kids about their homework." If soldiers are using the military robot instead of human continuously, they think war is just a game to play and become insensitive to it.

Lastly, however they developed, there are limits that robot can not follow human: delicate physical manifestation and human brain. According to Satyendra Gupta from science news, even though they are developing, they lack creativity and adaptation to changing situation. In war, similarly, there is many unsuspected variables. And it requires creativity and adaptation which robot does not have. In battlefield, therefore, military robot could be ineffective.

Although many nations have made lots of military robots, it would just waste of money and time because they will never be as effective as the human soldiers. Some would argue that military robot would save many human soldiers. To be exact, it will save many human soldiers. However, the purpose of existence of soldiers is to defend its enemies. If two each nation fought only by military robots, it would be unmeaning war. And eventually innocent people would die. Isn't it paradoxical? In the result, it just saves human soldiers not citizens. Then where is the meaning of soldiers? On the other hand, some would argue that military robots are preceding human soldiers in terms of environmental, functional capability. I also agree with it. Sometimes, robots can do things a human can not. However, it is different in war. Some silly people think that victory and defeat from war would be concluded by superior weapons. Of course, we must not ignore it. However, decisive factors of outcome of a war are other things such as the times, general(human), flexibility( the most important thing). And there are many various examples from history. In addition, robots will have no flexibility however they develop. Therefore, these arguments are just short-sighted way of thinking.

As I speak, many nations have made lots of military robots competitively. And this is crucial issue because it will decide our future war. However, this process is a short - sighted. They don't think the negative effects of it. Even though they are developing and seems to have many merits superficially, there are actually many problems and can not precede human soldiers in the end.

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a four. The perspective is unique.- he think military robots are not necessary and effective. The confirmation part supports his thesis and the whole essay finely.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
The research needs to improve. He needs to connect his arguments more naturally. Some parts of this essay disturb reading and understanding the whole essay. Also, some of his arguments are less convinced because they are composed by his own opinions, not the opinions of experts.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
However, whether military robot is effective is must - have discussion. And I don't agree with the idea of military robot.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes, but he needs to write his thesis more clearly.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
I think the military robots are not effective and necessary as people think.

Any other thoughts?
This is interesting. In my case, I take granted for military robots because I think tanks and all other arms are robots. It will be difficult to do any conclusive persuasion because the essay has to be based on conjecture since it is a hypothesis about the future.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes. I can identify introduction, narration, confirmation, refutation, concession and conclusion easily.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The author uses the movie ' transformer' as an subject of introduction. The subject matter was fresh but in my case, I don't get fully how the movie and his thesis are related.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
The author's narration gives my enough and necessary background information to understand the topic. However, the relations between information in narration are not quite clear.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. The author suggest adequate arguments about his topic which can support his thesis strongly.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I don't think his refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint. He keep point out what others may say but he didn't refute enough as I expected. Also, there aren't any convincing data or citations from experts so I can't fully trust his opinion.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
The conclusion suggests the larger significance of the thesis so I can get what he want to say from the whole essay again. However, there isn't a summary of the essay in conclusion.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
The refutation and concession part needs to be improved. If he try to intensify his thesis by mentioning about what counterparts are saying and refuting. Also, if he connects and correct the flow of the essay more naturally, readers include me can understand the essay better.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I disagreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
The confirmation part was persuasive because that part includes strong persuasive arguments.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
If he cares about his refutation and concession parts, he would be able to enhance the persuasive parts of his essay.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
There are no citations about his sources.

Are the sources obvious?
I don't know because there aren't any citations.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Most of the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay. But some of them were hard to determine to convince of not because there are no citations.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
The confirmation and concession part need more convincing evidence to support the claims.

2014년 11월 16일 일요일

Second draft

Be aware of globalization and Internet

Many people think globalization is a recent one, but we can find globalization from thousand years ago. We can say the examples of trades many years ago between the eastern countries and western countries. The merchants from both side sold their products to other merchants from different region, and the path named Silk Road connected areas in a distant such as Central Asia, China, and Europe, is the proof of their trades. In fact, the current wave of globalization which everybody knew began after the Second World War. After the war, many governments have adopted free market and open economic systems and policies. The international trades and investments increased between various countries. Many governments removed barriers in commerce and have established international agreements to promote trade in goods, services, and investments. Corporations took advantage of new opportunities in foreign markets, and they started built their factories in foreign areas. Also, a huge amount of people immigrated and migrated.

Nowadays, Internet, affects a lot to people's lives in various areas. For example, the Internet enables companies to promote productivity through by much faster access of information and electronic transactions. Also, new jobs are created such as IT professionals and engineers. Internet has altered the structure of the mass media: local and national news changed into world wide news. From these points, Internet is indeed the major advancement in the modern era which make people easily connect, contact, and control other people and world.

All the aspects of Internet can prove that Internet has a significance on globalization. Due to the technological development, globalization has been facilitated. Mostly, internet promotes faster and easier communication. Internet provides cheaper and faster method of communication such as fast phone calls in a distance through web, and web cameras, microphones, messengers are all technologies that make people communicate with other people far from them through the Internet. These new types of communication which internet provide has a significant impact of globalization because it connects people all over the world.

Because of the globalization's effects, people think globalization positively. At first, people consider globalization as the greater opportunity for people around the world for economical increased standard of living. Furthermore, There is a greater access to foreign culture in the form of movies, music, food, clothing, and more. Second, they think globalization brought economical effect. Also, knowledge and technologies exchanged and was shared among countries. Globalization provides the people of the developing countries different kinds of jobs to live their lives and the developed ones a great many benefits.

First, in economical aspects, globalization which make the world connected by Internet has brought much bigger gap between the poor and the rich. According to BBC, Globalization operates mostly in the interests of the richest countries, which continue to dominate world trade at the expense of developing countries. This tendency leads governments of developed countries to allow their corporations to build their factories outside of their own countries. However, this phenomenon take away the industrial foundation of their own and opportunities of economical growth. The corporations want to use low wages in foreign countries which increase their profit margins. International corporations build their factories all over the world and exploit labor and take away their development opportunities.This tendency leads to much bigger the gap between the rich and the poor. India can be an example of this phenomenon. At first, people think India has a benefit from globalization, which gained lots of profits from new industries that related to international corporations. However, most average people's lives in India say differently. They say that poverty became more serious than before. One in three Indians live on less than $1 a day and India is still home to the world's largest conglomeration of malnourished people. Also, The latest UN Human Development Report worries the gap between the rich and the poor by economical growth and social progress. A narrow-based and weak foundation of economical become serious problem. Another problem is that inequalities that globalization has failed to remove. Even though a few people may evaluate globalization positively, its effects don't always be good or positive. That's why politicians have latched onto the idea of the disappearing middle class as a political issue, but none of their income redistribution schemes are likely to have any immediate substantial impact. It makes some Anti-globalization campaigners try to draw people's attention to these points by demonstrating against the World Trade Organization. They think the WTO is the cause of free flow of trade around the world.

All these impacts of globalization are related to the development of information technology. In the core of IT, there is the development of the Internet. Most people can use Internet without any disturbance, however, not all people are able to join the global community made by the Internet. Countries in the developing world are not able to take advantage of the Internet in the same way as developed nations can. There is no universally equal access to Internet all over the world. Some people from countries like North Korea has few opportunities to access Internet because its government censor it. Also, some poor countries have no opportunities to use any IT products. Therefore, disadvantages people and businesses in developing nations who are unable to take advantage of the Internet's global potential. Through the development of Internet and its contribution to globalization, we can know how it affects globalization and our lives negatively and why we should be aware of it. We need to consider the negative aspects of globalization, not just think positively and accept it unquestioningly.